Alas!

All turns to me when they are in gloom; who may I turn to when I suffer doom ? I am no saint, nor ought I to be. Why must I be so kind yet be tormented in agony? O! Death, only if you may take me without the slightest sound. How must I live, when I cannot even bear the sound of a single note, the sight of anything more than emptiness? I wish nothingness, staring at a white canvas in silence. I want my existence to diminish from my consciousness. I wish less consciousness. O lord help me! My mind tells me to eat yet my body lacks the appetite to move; I shall fall asleep yet my spirit stirs my mind with pain and sorrows. I am in a state of overt consciousness, yet without any freedom! This is the anti-human condition. I am a prisoner pinned onto the wall of a cold dark cave, with only the company of the candle flame and a mirror. I stare into the mirror, seeing the reflection of my body in chains and thorns. I try to call yet I have no voice. I may only stare at the mirror, in which the reflection of my being dwells. I have lost even the freedom to die.

I wish that this is all a dream. I wish that I am a brain in a vat. I wish that the sceptic is right.

To be human one must suffer. The more human one becomes the more suffering one must endure. The one who does not suffer have not a caring heart.

‘What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.’ Strength cannot be acquired by abandoning one’s humanity. The abandonment of one’s humanity creates the illusion of strength for it rids one of all the senses. Strength is the ability to endure pain, to have a heart that is most vulnerable, yet still burns even after suffering much pain. Thus such a heart also forgives, and forgives unconditionally.

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Published in: on 11/10/2014 at 5:34 PM  Leave a Comment  

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